Do you want my autograph?

One night over the summer I was meeting a guy that I was kind of curious about, he seemed nice but was a little vague about his line of work, he kept bringing it up but then wouldn’t really talk about it. On his profile he said he was in security but he wouldn’t say what that meant, was he a spy? Paul Bart Mall Cop? Checking receipts at Costco? Installing car/home alarms? He would give vague answers. Intrigued, I set a place and time (of my choosing), set up my emergency calls, got to the bar early, chatted with the bartender and told him if I looked like I needed rescuing to “set the bar on fire so I can run” lol. He laughed & we made a code word/phrase “I need some water” and then he’d figure out a way to “save me”. Because I have learned that if it hasn’t yet, now is when the “truth” comes out.

It just so happened that a guy I know was also at the bar, he and I have a mutual friend – we’ve met a couple of times, and he happens to be a DJ at a local radio station. He and I chatted a bit, I told him that I was waiting for a date and that, Ben, the bartender and I had set up my escape plan but, that I didn’t think I would need because my date was already almost 15 minutes late and I was leaving.

I was just about to leave when he walked in AND he didn’t even apologize for being late! (strike 1 possibly 1.5 lol).

He sat down and said “So, do you want my autograph now? I’m going to be famous. Bet you don’t know any famous people, how lucky are you that you get to f**king tell everyone you knew me” – now I’m not a prude – but to me cursing is gross, you should be able to complete a sentence without saying the “F” word, especially when you are meeting someone for the 1st time, and within the first 2 minutes (strike 2). I ignored it and asked what he was going to be famous for… And here is where we went from bad to worse “Well, I’m a bouncer at a strip club… “(Well there’s my answer about security and why he was vague) “and I’m trying out for a reality show about my job. It’s pretty tough, you should see the shit I have to deal with I mean these f’ing guys man!  And the today, the owner of the club starts giving me shit and…”  And then he started to “relive” an argument he had with the club owner earlier in the day and was yelling and cursing as if it was yelling at me, people were staring, and then in the middle of his rant he BARKED at the bartender “hey, can I get some water here?!” (by the way he never asked me if I’d like anything to drink – strike 3!), and that’s when I said “I need some water too please” (nodding my head as to signal help) not knowing what he would do I hoped for the best and that my “emergency callers” would call. Luckily the bartender and my friend were able to rescue me. My friend came over to say goodbye and introduced himself to my date. Since he has a very distinctive voice the guy knew right away who he was, when he left my date said “so you already know a famous person” I just smiled, and then the bartender  joined our conversation to keep the subject light, when all of a sudden my girlfriend called with an “emergency” and I had to go…..


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